Holy priceless collection of 20th century pop culture, Batman! (a.k.a. Me ranting about comic books when I really want my nicotine fix)

Someone sent me a sneak peek of the new Superman movie the other day. I haven’t opened the file yet. My computer is a remarkable antique, still moving but not fast enough to outrun a speeding bullet, so I doubt if it can keep up with old Supes. I’m not too keen to see it, really. See, I’m not much of a Superman fan. He’s okay enough to watch in the Justice League Unlimited animated series, but I could definitely live without him. Give me the Batman anytime. Who needs heat vision and super strength when you have high IQ, street smarts, gazillion of bucks, unresolved angst, and unbridled rage? You don’t think Bats can win against America’s biggest boy scout, heathen? Look for a copy of Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns. Fifty-something years old and he kicks Superman’s ass. And with style.

I must admit I have a few Superman comic books in my collection. They were going to kill him off so I was duped into buying more than 20 books related to this much-awaited event. How will he die? Will he really die? Who will do the deed? Like any other comic book consuming freak at that time, I had to KNOW and swiftly made reservations for the above-mentioned titles. They even had him flirting with Wonder Woman for a couple of issues before his demise so I got those as well. I was a victim of the greatest marketing scheme ever created for comic books: the Cross-Over series. That’s what they called it when one storyline seeps from one comic book to another (and Sucker is what they called folks like me). I quivered with mixed excitement and trepidation when I saw that splattered across the cover. I will get to see a lot of characters, sure, but that also meant squeezing out more money from my already emaciated wallet. It tested my non-existent budgeting skills.

The X-Men were notorious for it. To get the whole story of these spandex-clad band you had to buy not only the Uncanny X-Men, but the New Mutants and X-Factor as well. With the whole death of Superman storyline, I had to buy Superman, The Adventures of Superman, Superman: The Man of Steel, The Justice League of America, and Action Comics. And what did I get in return? A black arm band for a super hero who got bludgeoned to death by an ugly alien in front of his loving fans (Yon na yon? That’s it?), an overly drawn mourning period, clones and Superman wannabes, and finally, a very anti-climactic re-animation of the big guy. Did they try to pass him off as the new Messiah? They even used the empty tomb story. And then the resurrection. It took longer than 3 days, but he came back just the same (and with long hair to boot!). At least when they killed off the second Robin in 1988 he stayed dead.

Maybe they make better Superman comic books nowadays, but during my time (ehem, yes, my little young ones), all the best writers were weaving tales for the Caped Crusader. I was obviously not the only one around who found him infinitely more interesting and intriguing than the other costumed heroes out there. Alan Moore gave us one of the best Joker stories of all time with The Killing Joke. It was gut-wrenchingly violent and graphic yet painfully sad and poetic. Storytelling at its best. Then there’s Arkham Asylum, penned by Grant Morrison with haunting illustrations by Dave McKean. Nothing campy about that one. And finally the classic Batman story made by Frank Miller. The Dark Knight Returns took us to an alternate future of Bruce Wayne. He was old, retired from crime fighting for 10 years, and was still struggling with his alter-ego. Very bitter and flawed, and yet, still heroic. Miller also wrote the Year One series and showed us a deeper insight into Batman’s early years. He made Commissioner Gordon interesting and not just another cut-out cardboard character.

Okay, although Batman became darker and edgier during that time, they still kept the PG-13 rating by dishing out normal action hero stories (similar to Superman’s, in other words). Even if the Death in the Family series (when Robin II croaks) dealt with a serious theme, it was still palatable to Bats’ younger fans. It was a bold move to kill a major character, but the story was a bit lame. The script was just too comic bookie. And the Joker as the new Iranian Ambassador, the pinky friend of the Ayatollah (who does a cameo)? GARGH, please. It was memorable enough, though, because the readers decided the Boy Wonder’s fate. In an unprecedented move, DC Comics gave them 36 hours to vote (by calling a 900 number. Imagine if they had texting capabilities then!) for his survival or for his demise. They apparently had 2 versions waiting for the final count. Well, it was obvious that most of the fans hated him like I did. It was good to get rid of that brat!!

Hmmm… I can definitely talk a lot when it comes to comic books! Maybe I’m developing a nervous tick. Hehehe. Not to worry, I’ll let you go in a bit. I just want to add more ooompf to my Batman-is-cooler-than-Superman argument: the movies and TV shows. Christopher Reeve was endearing but who could forget the silly but lovable (albeit slightly chubette) Adam West (I had a crush on Burt Ward! Jeeez). Tim Burton directed the first couple of Batman movies… who did Superman 1, 2, and 3? Even the animated series are better. Batman’s nouveau-classical styled cartoon in the 90’s and its present slicker version (hello, theme song by U2’s The Edge) put to shame the animated Superman’s perennially bland for-Saturday-Morning-Only design.

I know, I know… rambling like an idiot again over nothing. Hey, how do you deal with nicotine withdrawal anyway? I’d rather ransack my comic book collection than the pantry or write this silly blog than run off to the nearest store to have a puff. Maybe I’ll have something more relevant and practical to talk about next time. In the meantime, gosh by golly jeepers, Batman, let’s track some evil doers!

BIFF! BAM!! POW!!