The end of an affair

That’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m dumping Mr. Marlboro Man for good. I’ve been giving this a lot thought lately, and today looks like the perfect time to do it. It’s Thanksgiving. Not that I celebrate it, but I think it’s a good date to mark the event. I can thank all the Marlboros, Winstons, Amsterdams, Drums, and Golden Virginias that have passed through my life all these years (in their light, dark, medium incarnations… there have been many) and tell them it’s been fun but I want to move on now. I just hope this would be an amicable parting so that they would never come back to nag me again. I should have done this during Halloween—putting things to rest and all, plus, I could have incinerated a giant effigy of a cigarette!—but this is as good a holiday as it gets to kick the habit. I’m doing this cold turkey. Thanksgiving… turkeys. Ha-ha. Funny. This makes it easier for me to remember this day and remind me of what I am doing.

I actually had my last one already. I found a perfect, pristine white Rizzla filter tucked away in one of my purses a couple of days ago. I didn’t use it right away because I thought I should find a special occasion for it. So before the clock struck 12 last night I stepped outside and rolled my final cigarette. A fitting ritual through and through. I sucked it till its very stained filter all the while exhaling with intention. I urged the tendrils of smoke to reach the Waning Moon so that she could hear my prayer. She was the perfect moon to have around. She would fade into the Dark Moon in a week, hopefully bringing with her the remnants of this bad habit.

I can hear Ben Folds 5 in the background, “She’s a brick and I’m drowning slowly. Off the coast and I’m headed nowhere.” A fitting song for my dysfunctional relationship with tobacco. We’ve had good times together, but now he’s become a real drag. And I want out. I know this will be very difficult to do but I need to stop right now. I deserve better. And I really can’t afford to liquefy any of my remaining brain cells.

I still haven’t gone bonkers yet. Well, it has only been around 18 hours. I’m finding it hard to concentrate and I feel a bit abandoned, but I am basically okay. Ask me again in 3 days and it will be a different story. That’s usually when it starts to hit me. Believe me, I’ve done this before. GARGH, breaking up is really hard to do.